You are worth a son to Him.

Today kicked off the WeCan Autism Best Practices Conference 2005 at Furama Riverfront Hotel.

Ms Denise Phua, the President of Autism Resource Centre (or she might be a full-time volunteer now)
share with us a dream that she had back in 2002 during their inaugural conference:

"One day you and I will see a place,
a school where children with special needs can go.
And at school the teachers smile at the children,
and the children enjoy learning.

We will see happy children running around,
some with special needs and some not.
We will see a meaningful place for these children to learn,
with visual supports.
A place and a person they can go to
when things get too much for them.

A place where the talents of the children are recognized and appreciated,
a place where they will excel in whatever talents that God has given them.

A place where people will love them for who they are,
and not just what they can do or perform.

When children go home they smile,
they look forward to coming back the next day,
to a place there they have friends.

When children leave this school,
others will recognise the high quality
of the education they have received
by going through this place
where love forgives."

For the past half a year,
I seemed to have forgotten
the very reason that
made me step into Rainbow Centre to teach.

That is to serve this children.
To serve and to love
no matter how much they've angered me,
how much it hurts when they hit or pinched or kicked me,
how when i did so much for them,
and they ended up destroying
my tasks and driving me up the wall.

It is to serve no matter what.

There are people who have doubted me,
family members who didn't support me,
because i won't be driving big cars
and living luxuriously,
wouldn't be rolling in the big bucks.
wouldn't be able to "put what i learnt in polytechnic into my job scope"
They didn't say they were proud of me.
They didn't encourage me when I was stressed out.
All mom said was "well, you chose this path".
I've doubted myself and my inadequate knowledge
and horrible patience scale.

Some said "hey this is not your talent. Go back to do photography!"

Ya know,
God will tell me if this is for me.

For he's put me here for a reason.

He's entrusted me with these children
and they do not belong to me,
for they belong to Him as his creation.

He's tested me.

Now he's molding me into
a woman that he's going to be proud of
NO MATTER WHAT.
For I know he loves me for WHO I AM,
AND NOT WHAT I DO.

I don't need to earn his love,
don't need to earn points
and to earn his faithfullness to prove
to him my worthiness.

For i am worth a son to him.
And you are worth a son to him.

There is no condemnation,
no guilt, and no more shame
because of the cross.

Someone said
"His love will not bring me to places
where his grace cannot reach me".

I pray for strength to walk through this journey
with joy, perserverance, committment, bold courage and LOVE.

Please pray with me.

Sometimes, it gets really hard
when no one around me encourages me
when I am in doubt of myself,
or when life just chose
to take a long roller coaster ride.

But Romans 5:3-5 says:

"Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings,
because we know that suffering produces perseverance;
perseverance, character; and character, hope.
And hope does not disappoint us,
because God has poured out his love into our hearts
by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

No i am not a fanatic.
I am not disillusioned.
I am not superstitious.

I am just a simple girl
who is grateful and wants to
remain grateful for the life i've been given.

Because I know i'm being loved.

God's love is spilling out,
and overflowing in your life. :)